(see parts 1 and 2 here)

Part 3, Please stop trying to do intractable math with your feelings

One of the worst cases of the flu I have ever had started on date night. Not my date night.

Everything was stretched so thin in that relationship. One man, four women, no room for error. One missed date night in one relationship could lead to relationship starvation and deep resentment. One missed night could kick off weeks of conflict. One night that I ‘took away’ from someone else, would have a cost for me that I did not want to pay…


Part 1, Trauma Informed

In the early 2000s, I had a relationship with Franklin Veaux, who would go on to write The Game Changer and to co-write More than Two. I am Amber in those books. The beliefs about intimacy that I both learned from him, and co-established with him during that time, created a framework for trauma for me, both in my relationship with him, and in another relationship I experienced years later that destroyed my sense of self and self-worth. …


I moved to the Midwest almost three years ago, and the first winter here was ugly. I felt oddly embarrassed about the location I had chosen to call home. I felt the need to apologize to out of town friends from more beautiful places — about the flatness and the bare spaces between the brambled branches on our deciduous trees. Bare spaces that you could peek through to car dealerships and boxy housing developments and huge stretches of racially segregated poverty. …

Alie Graves

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